All posts by Wolf

Shaming people for something they don’t know about is not okay

This train of thought started because of a Twitter trend that's been bugging me for a while, and also because a friend of mine was venting about it recently. There's this thing where people will go around "informing" people to avoid following or interacting with XYZ Person because XYZ Person has been deemed "problematic" in some way. The way in which XYZ Person is problematic is irrelevant to the point of this post, so I'm not going to cite any examples whatsoever. The way in which these people go about "informing" people is really unkind, though. In some cases they go so ...

It pisses me off how socially acceptable it is to hate kids

It pisses me off how socially acceptable it is to hate kids. People are so casual about it, almost like it's on par with hating broccoli. Except that kids are people. Hating an entire group of people is generally considered Not Okay, but kids? Nah, they don't really matter, right? They'll grow out of it and become likeable when they become adults. I mean, disliking something is valid. On some level I believe that all feelings are valid... but... hating a whole group of people... is that valid? Is that okay? I'm not comfortable with that. On the other hand, there's a ...

How I learned to tolerate kindness

  I realized today that I like it when people are kind to me. That sounds weird, right? But, I used to be scared of people being kind to me. Partly because it gave me complicated feelings that I didn't want to deal with, and partly because it felt so alien and strange. I avoided "overly kind" people for a long time. When people were really kind to me I wanted to run away and hide to avoid breaking down crying. I gravitated towards people who were more critical or at least kind of emotionally walled off. They felt more familiar and safer. Somewhere ...

Ways school made me depressed

...as a neurodivergent non-binary lesbian I absolutely hated school with a fiery passion born in the depths of hell. Those were, by far, the worst years of my life. I am glad that I survived them, but there were a few moments where I almost didn't. If my circumstances had been slightly different, and I had access to guns... who knows what I might have done. So, here's a list of ways that school made me depressed and suicidal. My parents not giving a shit about my general well-being This is point #1 for a reason. If my parents had been even slightly emotionally ...

Judgment

Being open-minded is overrated, and judgment is not a bad thing I was subjected to a lot of religious indoctrination over the years, and one of the teachings that stood out was the one about not judging people. I'm not going to quote it here, because I can't be bothered to go look up bible quotes, and even just reading them is triggering for me. This isn't even just a religious thing, I've had other people say similar stuff for different reasons. Like, if I have a strong opinion about something, someone would be like "Don't judge so harshly! Be more open-minded! ...

The Story of Jack

CW: Child abuse This is a true story, but I've changed the names. Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jack. His father, Rick, was a police officer, and his mother, Beth, worked an office job. Jack was 4 years old, full of energy and wanted to play a lot, like a normal healthy kid. I don't know why, but Jack's mother got angry with Jack a lot, and Jack would cry. This, for some reason, made his mother even more angry and she'd yell at him not to cry. Obviously, that would make him more upset, and he'd cry louder, ...

The 4F Trauma Responses

The author Pete Walker talks about 4 different trauma responses in his book and on his website. They are: Fight Flight Freeze Fawn Fight response is where the person uses anger and control in order to take their frustrations out on others, to feel more powerful and better than someone else in order to avoid the pain of feeling powerless. They believe that they can create a feeling of safety by having control over the people around them. A lot of narcissists and abusers are fight types. This is probably how a lot of kids turn into bullies. Flight response people strive ...

An Introduction to Empathy, Sociopaths, Narcissists, and Autism

Empathy What is empathy, exactly? Empathy is the ability to recognize and experience the feelings of another person, to see things from their perspective and to understand what they're feeling as if you're feeling it yourself. Since most people don't talk about how they're feeling, the ability to empathize generally depends on interpreting non-verbal cues. If you have never felt what another person is feeling, it will not be possible to empathize with them about that particular feeling. It's also difficult to empathize with others when one is not aware of one's own feelings. Higher emotional sensitivity and awareness leads to higher levels of empathy. ...

Narcissists – what they do, and how to avoid them

Things narcissists do There are different types of narcissists that might use different types of tactics. Some might be aggressive and domineering, some might play the victim to get people to feel sorry for them. These are just examples. There's no guarantee a particular narc will use all of them. They tell you what you want to hear, to make you feel good about them, so that they can get you to do something for them. They do favours for you and then hold it up as evidence that they're generous and helpful, to pressure you into doing something for them. ...

Internal Family Systems (IFS) – What it is and how it works

IFS is a trauma healing method developed by family therapist Richard Schwartz, PhD. According to Internal Family Systems, everyone has multiple 'personalities', referred to as 'parts', that live inside their psyche, and that have their own thoughts, feelings and needs. Let's imagine them like children passengers on a bus. There is also the Self, which is like the driver of the bus. In IFS, all parts are welcome and valid, and none are considered bad. This is because all of them are only trying to help in the best way they know how. Self-leadership "Each person is born with an unencumbered spot, free of ...