Have you ever heard people say anger is bad and that you should try to "let it go"? Anger has a bit of a bad reputation, but I believe there's no such thing as a bad emotion. They all have a purpose, and anger is no exception. As with all emotions, it can be used in productive ways, or in unproductive ways. What can we learn from anger? Notice what kinds of things make you angry. As one example, I'm 100% guaranteed to get angry when people hurt children and animals. This tells me that I value children and animals and that ...
Category Archives: Trauma & Abuse
How I manage my Emotional Flashbacks
What is an emotional flashback? Pete Walker describes it like this: "Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions ('amygdala hijackings') to the frightening circumstances of childhood. They are typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair - or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair. Emotional flashbacks are especially painful because the inner critic typically overlays them with toxic shame, inhibiting the individual from seeking comfort and support, isolating him in an overwhelming and humiliating sense of defectiveness." It's kind of like being stuck in a dark tunnel. I can't see who I am anymore, ...
My Inner Emptiness is a Narcissist Magnet
This was written by my awesome friend Kait. I was asked a particularly interesting question. Thankfully, I knew the answer right away. The question being, “What made you so susceptible to narcissists?”. I can safely say that I have welcomed four into my life with open arms; a best friend, a lover, a pedophile and someone I considered a life partner for five and a half years. Something all of these people shared in common is yes, they really do look for kind people. In terms more in depth, they look for people who have the capacity to give and give ...
Child Abuse and Emotional Neglect
Hitting Children I've pretty much always believed that hitting kids is abuse and can't possibly be good for them in any way. It doesn't teach them right from wrong or whatever, it only teaches them to fear their parents. I used to think that my parents were pretty good because they didn't hit me. Except for that one time my dad hit me when I didn't do some or other thing he asked me to do immediately. I don't remember what I did, or what he wanted me to do. I only remember the look on his face, and how angry I ...
There Is No Such Thing As “Small Trauma”, and Abuse is Really Common
I've noticed that some people downplay their trauma quite a lot if they didn't experience "big" trauma like physical abuse or sexual abuse. They might say that their traumas are "small" in comparison to "big" traumas like physical or sexual abuse. It's understandable why they would do this, but trauma is not a competition! Trauma is trauma. I was listening to a podcast the other day about trauma. They were talking about how even "minor" things that don't qualify as abuse can cause trauma. As an example the one person recalled a situation where a mother and daughter were walking in ...