It pisses me off how socially acceptable it is to hate kids. People are so casual about it, almost like it’s on par with hating broccoli. Except that kids are people. Hating an entire group of people is generally considered Not Okay, but kids? Nah, they don’t really matter, right? They’ll grow out of it and become likeable when they become adults.
I mean, disliking something is valid. On some level I believe that all feelings are valid… but… hating a whole group of people… is that valid? Is that okay? I’m not comfortable with that.
On the other hand, there’s a difference between disliking/hating a person and actually wishing harm upon them. But if you hate someone, would you help them if they needed help? Would you take their side or side against them? Would you ignore their pleas for help? Would you listen to their side and take them seriously or just assume that the adult is always right?
If you’re afraid of a spider, would you help it? Many people who are afraid of spiders would kill them mercilessly, even totally harmless ones.
It seems people use ‘hate’ interchangeably with ‘am afraid of’. Maybe it’s a way to avoid admitting fears. But the meaning is SO different. For example, arachnophobia is actually about being afraid of spiders. To be fair, I’ve never heard of an arachnophobe who also LIKES spiders, so to some extent fear and hatred seem to be linked. But then you get homophobia, which is just about hating people. Homophobes are not afraid that gay people are going to bite them and poison them, they’re just hateful jerks. It’s not even a phobia and shouldn’t be called such.
Which brings me to, hating children. Is that a phobia? It depends – it could be linked to one if you have sensory issues. Some kids do randomly make loud screeching noises, so that’s a valid thing to be afraid of. Some kids also tend to mess strange-smelling sticky substances on themselves and their surrounding vicinity. That’s also a valid thing to be afraid of. So if you have fears of loud noises and sticky substances, it makes sense to want to keep a safe distance from kids who might do that. But to hate all kids in general as a group? No, that’s a very different thing, and it’s not okay.
I hate loud noises, screaming, sticky substances, weird smells, all of which are things that are often associated with kids (but not exclusively), but I deeply care about kids and will take their side over adults when adults are being hateful towards kids.
Being able to casually state “I hate kids” should NOT be okay. It absolutely should be frowned upon. I absolutely want people to be shamed for saying shit like that, like how people get shamed for saying racist or homophobic things.
I also take this personally on some level because I still identify as a kid to some extent. Like I find it hard to believe that I’m apparently an adult. On many levels I’m still mentally 12 or even younger. So when I hear people say they hate kids, I assume it means they hate me. I can be needy and annoying. If you hate kids, you hate me. Fuck you.
If you hate kids, that’s a YOU issue, one that you absolutely should work on addressing. It’s not because kids are “needy” or “annoying”, it’s because there’s something wrong with YOU for thinking that they shouldn’t be allowed to express their needs.
Day 2 update, some more thoughts:
I have on occasion said that I hate religious people. The reason I say that sometimes is because organized religion has harmed a lot of people, including me. It has done no good whatsoever in my life and has only traumatized me. People who follow religions perpetuate this kind of shit to keep happening, even if they think they’re doing good in some way. I don’t mean that I hate the individual religious people themselves, mostly. Just their beliefs and actions. Just their stubborn refusal to acknowledge the harm that they indirectly cause by continuing to participate in the cult.
Apparently, many people who say they hate kids also don’t mean that they hate the individual kids themselves. They just hate the noises, neediness, whatever. Still, it seems overly harsh to say that about kids. I can understand saying it about people who actually hurt others, but not kids.
Kids cannot possibly cause harm on a scale like religious people and politicians can. They’re just innocent vulnerable little people, they aren’t hurting you. Whatever it is that annoys you about them is probably because their needs haven’t been met well enough.
Society isn’t set up in a way that makes it possible to fully meet the needs of kids. If things were different, it might actually be possible. But currently it isn’t. That’s not (generally) the fault of the parents.
It takes a village to raise a child – not just two people, let alone one. “Modern humans” don’t live in villages anymore. A kid is a massive responsibility, and it really is too much for the average parent who probably also has other responsibilities on top of that. Kids WILL go with many unmet needs because of this. This is the reason they are “annoying” and “needy”. It’s not a character flaw and there really isn’t anyone specific you can point a finger at and blame for this.
…Unless the parents are abusive… then you can point all your fingers at them. … But that’s a topic for another post.
1 thought on “It pisses me off how socially acceptable it is to hate kids”
You may like the terms “homomisia” and “transmisia”, which were created as alternatives to the terms “homophobia” and “transphobia” for the same reasons you state — fear of something is not the same thing as hatred thereof. In fact, using *phobia terms this way is ableist, since phobias are real conditions that shouldn’t be stigmatized or used derogatorily (you can be *literally* transphobic but not transmisic due to fear of body modification).
There’s a term “adultism” that describes prejudice and discrimination towards children and youth, which can be also used to also describe hatred just like the term “racism” does.
But if more precise wording is needed, then let’s just coin new terms. Fear of children and adolescents is respectively pedophobia  and ephebiphobia . Therefore, by analogy to the above, hatred of children shall be pedomisia, and hatred of adolescents shall be ephebimisia.