This blog is about my adventures in personal growth while recovering from CPTSD (caused mainly by school, bullies and growing up with mentally strange parents). And also while being autistic, and having realized later in life that I’m a lesbian. And other fun stuff, like being butch/non-binary/agender and being surrounded by the sheer insanity of “gender norms”.
I’ve been journaling regularly for a few years now, and it’s made a huge difference in my life and growth and stuff. So I might share some stuff from the journal archives, along with my comments. It’s interesting to see how far I’ve come!
I’m writing under a pen name for privacy reasons. Some of the stuff I write about could hurt people if they knew it was me writing it, and I’m not ready to deal with that yet.
This is also incidentally the name I much prefer over my birth name, and I might someday choose to change to this name legally.
I’ve never liked my surname. It always irritated me. Partly because of the association with my family, and partly because of the culture of my country that I feel no positive connection to and want no part of.
I don’t mind my first name much. It’s okay. But okay isn’t exactly great, and I figured that since I can choose a pen name from scratch, I might as well pick a first (and second, and maybe third) name that I like a lot. The other issue with my legal first name is that I got yelled at a lot as a child (usually for completely nonsensical reasons), so when I hear people say my name, I flashback to “oh shit, something bad is about to happen”. That’s not really ideal. Hearing my name should evoke positive emotions, that’s how it’s supposed to work, right? I could probably get rid of that association eventually by healing trauma. Or I could just change it, since I have also changed a lot as a person since then, and I want a name that suits me better.
Comments need to be encouraging and constructive, or at least neutral. I’m really not going to tolerate anything negative or argumentative or “bad faith” type comments where the person demands that I justify why I said something. I really don’t have the energy to deal with stuff like that, and that’s not the type of community I want to cultivate here, or anywhere. There are plenty of places where you can find that kind of negativity, and this will not be one of them.