Tag Archives: mental health

Becoming unreliable on purpose

People like reliable people. This makes a lot of sense. People also generally like to be thought of as reliable. This also makes sense. But, is it possible to be too reliable? I've had a lot of difficulty saying no to people, and this has resulted in people thinking of me as very reliable. Good, right? Well, actually no. Because I agreed to many things I didn't actually want to do, people expect me to do more of those things in the future. This causes a number of problems, obviously, because I don't want to keep on doing things I don't ...

How I learned to tolerate kindness

  I realized today that I like it when people are kind to me. That sounds weird, right? But, I used to be scared of people being kind to me. Partly because it gave me complicated feelings that I didn't want to deal with, and partly because it felt so alien and strange. I avoided "overly kind" people for a long time. When people were really kind to me I wanted to run away and hide to avoid breaking down crying. I gravitated towards people who were more critical or at least kind of emotionally walled off. They felt more familiar and safer. Somewhere ...

Ways school made me depressed

...as a neurodivergent non-binary lesbian I absolutely hated school with a fiery passion born in the depths of hell. Those were, by far, the worst years of my life. I am glad that I survived them, but there were a few moments where I almost didn't. If my circumstances had been slightly different, and I had access to guns... who knows what I might have done. So, here's a list of ways that school made me depressed and suicidal. My parents not giving a shit about my general well-being This is point #1 for a reason. If my parents had been even slightly emotionally ...

The 4F Trauma Responses

The author Pete Walker talks about 4 different trauma responses in his book and on his website. They are: Fight Flight Freeze Fawn Fight response is where the person uses anger and control in order to take their frustrations out on others, to feel more powerful and better than someone else in order to avoid the pain of feeling powerless. They believe that they can create a feeling of safety by having control over the people around them. A lot of narcissists and abusers are fight types. This is probably how a lot of kids turn into bullies. Flight response people strive ...

Narcissists – what they do, and how to avoid them

Things narcissists do There are different types of narcissists that might use different types of tactics. Some might be aggressive and domineering, some might play the victim to get people to feel sorry for them. These are just examples. There's no guarantee a particular narc will use all of them. They tell you what you want to hear, to make you feel good about them, so that they can get you to do something for them. They do favours for you and then hold it up as evidence that they're generous and helpful, to pressure you into doing something for them. ...

The benefits of very low contact with parents

I've been very low contact with my parents for quite some time now, several months. We're mostly limited to the occasional email. This has been so very helpful for my mental health! I have my email set up so that my parents emails get filtered into their own folder that doesn't get checked automatically when I check the rest of my mail, so I don't ever get notified about anything they send me, and I have to manually go in there to see what they've sent, if anything. This makes it very easy to ignore them entirely for as long as ...

Gray Rock

Certain people, particularly narcissists, feed off of your emotional reactions to things. The best way to not 'feed' them is to avoid them entirely, but that's not always possible. So, what do you do when you happen to be around one of these vampires? Be as boring as possible. Be a gray rock. I hate dishonesty, but in some cases, with certain people, it may actually be safer not to be honest. If expressing your true opinions and feelings around a person makes you feel unsafe in any way, avoid that person like the plague. If that's not possible (yet), then ...

Forgiveness

Have you ever tried to tell someone about an abusive person in your past, and they said you should forgive them and move on? How did that make you feel? I get angry when people suggest things like that, as if I can just flip a switch and forgive them and suddenly that makes everything okay. It does not. There's no off-switch for trauma. Wouldn't it be nice if there was? I'm going to go all analytical here about the concept of Forgiveness, starting with the dictionary definition of the word: Definition of forgive, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary: transitive verb to cease ...

Anger is a useful emotion

Have you ever heard people say anger is bad and that you should try to "let it go"? Anger has a bit of a bad reputation, but I believe there's no such thing as a bad emotion. They all have a purpose, and anger is no exception. As with all emotions, it can be used in productive ways, or in unproductive ways. What can we learn from anger? Notice what kinds of things make you angry. As one example, I'm 100% guaranteed to get angry when people hurt children and animals. This tells me that I value children and animals and that ...

How I manage my Emotional Flashbacks

What is an emotional flashback? Pete Walker describes it like this: "Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions ('amygdala hijackings') to the frightening circumstances of childhood. They are typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair - or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair. Emotional flashbacks are especially painful because the inner critic typically overlays them with toxic shame, inhibiting the individual from seeking comfort and support, isolating him in an overwhelming and humiliating sense of defectiveness." It's kind of like being stuck in a dark tunnel. I can't see who I am anymore, ...